Never Had an Orgasm? Our Top 5 Tips To Get There

A white hand with dark nail varnish. Two fingres are inserted into half an orange.

Female customers who’ve never had an orgasm often tell us they feel alone, or that they believe they’re the only one who doesn’t ‘get’ sex. The truth is, most of us – vulva-owners, at least – have to learn how our orgasms work. And then we have to practice. A lot! But the more we practice, the better we get, and the more orgasms we can have.

Orgasms are complicated. Body and mind need to work together to have one, and if they don’t, you won’t climax. Sensations and responses can become numb by medication. A stubborn mind and internalized taboos are blockers. Stress and lack of downtime don’t help. Maybe you don’t know your arousal works. All of those, and many more, are common reasons.

Do Not Disturb: I’m Trying To Orgasm 

It’s better to practice how to have an orgasm when you’re on your own. Partnered sex is hot, but it can be hard to ask for what you want or tell someone you love that the way they’re touching you isn’t quite right. The great thing about solo-play is that you only have yourself to please – you can do what you like without needing to please a partner. 

Uninterrupted time is essential, but what if you live in a busy household? Our favorite trick is to feign a headache and go to bed early, preferably after a relaxing soak in the tub (the showerhead is very useful!). If you’re worried that your flatmates will hear you moaning or using a vibrator, turn up the TV or play some music. Lock the door and switch your phone to silent. This time is for you. 

Fantasy, Arousal & Orgasm

Keeping your mind focused on pleasure without getting hung-up on the actual orgasm can be tricky. It’s common to become so fixated on climaxing that the sensuality of touch comes second. If you find yourself trying to force an orgasm to occur or mentally writing shopping lists during masturbation, you need some saucy distractions.

Fantasizing is brilliant. Fantasize about friends, neighbors, or favourite celebrities. Imagine what it would be like to spank a lover or have group sex outdoors! Let your imagination run wild!

If you lack imagination, tapping into someone else’s is just as hot. Reading erotica is a fantastic way of keeping the brain engaged without being too focused on the end goal. Let your hand do its own thing while your reading, cupping, stroking, and touching. If you find a spot that feels particularly good, touch it again. Let your arousal build until your body tells you it wants more.

If reading isn’t your thing, there are great sites with audio erotica instead. We particularly rate Dipseastories and Girl on the Net for this. Try using headphones for an all-encompassing experience. Close your eyes, listen to the sexy story and let your hands explore your body.

Porn is another fun option. We like FrolicMe, a site that shows arousing films where consent and female pleasure is of utmost importance, but whatever tickles your pickle is good. Press play and lay back!

Love Your Body

Have you been told that self-pleasure is dirty? You’re not alone.

If you’re internally berating yourself for touching your vulva or penis, you’re not likely to hit the high notes when it comes to climaxing. Smashing through internal taboos is hard work, but it’s a necessary effort. It’s your body. You can touch it.

It’s normal and healthy to touch it and love it. Your body can give you immense pleasure if you let it.

A great trick is to masturbate in a mirror. It can be an incredible turn-on to watch what happens; pay attention to the labia lips getting plumper or the penis getting harder. Wowzers!

Lube Is Great For Self-Pleasure

Lube isn’t just for penetration or dry times. It’s perfect for self-pleasure too. Even if you are wetter than an otter in a stream, a little bit of lube can heighten your arousal. There are water-based lubessilicone-based lube, and enhancing lubes. Water-based lubes are the most body-friendly, especially if your vulva and vagina are sensitive. Experimenting with lube can enhance pleasure in all manner of ways. Play becomes sensual and slidey, more-ish. With lube, touches become gentler, and the clitoris can withstand more pressure. Give it go!

The Pelvic Floor & Orgasms

An orgasm is a series of involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor, so getting this area involved makes good sense. Doing your Kegel exercises is essential for overall health, but it can help push you closer towards orgasm too. A great tip is to squeeze and release your pelvic floor rhythmically while you’re masturbating.

To start with, you might orgasm in one or two positions only, and this is perfectly normal. It’s to do with the muscle tension in the pelvic floor, hips, and thighs. Mixing up the positions during masturbation can boost the chances of an orgasm. If you usually play laying flat on your back, try kneeling on the floor. Do you like to hump a mountain of soft pillows? Switch it up by leaning your back against the wall instead – you might be surprised at how much this changes sensations!

If you want to learn more about how to have orgasms, book yourself onto our online Becoming Orgasmic course!


Causcasian woman masturbating to orgasm whilst kneeling on a pink pillow. She is surrounded by pink hearts and yellow stars.
Click on the image to go straight to the Becoming Orgasmic course page.