Dear Shush Life: I never orgasm – can you help?

A white chatbox screen with a pink frame. Inside the frame is teh questuon I never orgasm- can you help?

Some viewers deemed our Ky’s recent interview on This Morning a little too early in the day for sex talk, but many, many more viewers enjoyed this open conversation about female pleasure and orgasms. After the segment, our inboxes quickly filled with emails from women looking for advice on orgasms. We’ll share some of these questions with you (anonymously, of course), as we know there will be so many more who will benefit from the answers.

Hi Team Sh!

I lost my virginity when I was a teenager and I’m now in my mid-20’s. I’ve had 14 sexual partners in the past and still never orgasm. I’ve tried a vibrating dildo and use this on my clitoris, but still never had one… Are you able to help me? 

Learning how to orgasm

This is the most common question we get, so we have lots of advice!

Female arousal and orgasm are very complex. For the vast majority of women, orgasms are learned – your mind & body need to work together for it to happen. It’s easier to learn by yourself, as having a partner in the room can add pressure to “perform” rather than revel in the sensations. Learning how to orgasm takes time and effort. If you masturbate regularly – great! But if you don’t, now is the time to start. If you need some fresh tips & tricks for masturbation, our course Becoming Orgasmic is for you.

Arousal and desire play a big part in female orgasms. Reading or listening to erotica can be really helpful. Dipsea is a website with audio erotica, with lots of choices. Plug in your headphones and float away on a cloud of sexy stories…

The hardworking toy testers at Sh! swear by ON Arousal Oil for reliable orgasms. This blend of essential oils helps bring blood to the clitoral area, which is crucial for pleasure. Adding a small drop to the tip of the clitoris doubles your chances of orgasm! This oil helps with arousal as well, as it creates a super-sensual buzzing sensation around the vulva.

A dash of lube will help you along too. It may be that your body creates plenty of moisture on its own, but adding a bit of lube helps with sensitivity and heightens sensations.

Vibrators and suction toys

Many women have their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator. If you’ve tried a vibrator before and they didn’t seem to work, the frequency of that vibe wasn’t right for you. Vibrators tend to fall in one of two categories: High and low. Some are high-pitched and buzz away like a bee on a hot summer day. Others are low-pitched – the Barry Whites of vibrators. We recommend trying the opposite of what you currently have.

We are huge fans of suction toys. They aren’t vibrators per se; the technology is very different. The nozzle of a suction toy creates a vacuum around the clitoris and gently “sucks” on it. This type of toy is very orgasm-reliable, maybe more so than any other type of toy.

We hope this helps!

Best Wishes,

Team Sh! xx

We give tailored advice on every aspect of female sexuality – just email us and we’ll do our best to help. We’re a small team, so please bear with us if you don’t get a reply straight away – we will get back to you as soon as we can xx