Sexual Fantasies: Should You Tell All?

Pink background. A naked, white person wearing a black collar is crawling on all fours. A brown woman werain a black basque and stockings and holdinga red crop is riding on him.

Sexual fantasies – everyone has them. Some fantasies are sweet and romantic; others are hot, wet and juicy. The latter ones are our faves, obvs! Fantasies are often based on previous sexual encounters or something we’ve seen and would like to experience for ourselves.

Sharing a sexy fantasy with your partner can be super-hot for several reasons. If you’re lucky, you’ll find out you’re both fantasising about the same thing – and now that you’re on the same page, you can try it out! Roleplay scenarios or kinky acts add to the sexual buffet you already enjoy together.

Making a sexual fantasy come to life

If you find it tricky to verbalise your fantasy, a flirty text or a detailed email usually works really well. This way, a shy partner can also get saucy without feeling put on the spot.

Some fantasies are easy-peasy to put into action. Say, if your partner confesses to fantasising about you dressed up in a maids outfit so they can “accidentally” come back to the room and catch you dusting, bent over and without panties… You can easily make this fantasy come true if you’re happy to play along.

Fantasising together turns up the heat

It’s possible that your most delicious fantasy doesn’t spur your partner into action. This is perhaps disappointing but it’s not the end of the world, especially if they’re happy to fantasise along with you even if it isn’t their cup of tea.

Let’s take pegging, for example. Pegging is hot, a play on power and dominance. A female partner straps on a harness and dildo, and penetrates her male partner. If one or both of you like the idea, but you’re not sure you want to actually do it, you can still fantasise about it. You can fantasise about how you think it would feel, you can look at strap-ons and create an imagined scenario where you dominate your partner. This can add several degrees of heat to your sex life, without ever actually involving strap-on…

pink background. a white-skinned woman is wearing a black strap-on and is standing behind a brown-skinned wpman.

Threesomes – living out the sexual fantasy

Another popular fantasy is a threesome. Threesomes can be awesome if you are both in the right headspace and communicate well as a couple. And have found the perfect unicorn.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that.

Commonly, the sexy fantasy involves one guy & two gals. In this scenario, the guy often imagines the two hot women fighting over his juicy man-meat. In reality, he may be completely ignored as the ladies feast on each other instead… (Sorry to burst that particular balloon!)

Before living out sexual fantasies, especially if it involves a third or even a fourth partner, you need to sit down, think it through, and set respectful boundaries. Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Consider the possibility that one partner may change their mind and pulls out at the last moment. What happens then? Is the remaining partner allowed to carry on? Or, is it is a get-dressed-and-go-home scenario?

The more you consider all possibilities and outcomes before the event, the better the experience will be for you both. And, needless to say, putting pressure on your partner to involve a third if they’re not up for it is a no-no.

Some fantasies are best kept private…

TW: This segment mentions sexual fantasies involving rape. 

Some sexual fantasies should not be shared, especially if they’re likely to hurt someone. For example, hot & horny thoughts about your partner’s best mate are best kept quiet. If your partner is even remotely jealous, this could easily turn into paranoia and a reluctance to leave you alone with the best friend, “just in case.” Enjoy your fantasy, but do it privately.

Rape fantasies can be troubling, especially if you or a loved one is a survivor. The thing to remember here is that your fantasy is not reality. Even the non-consensual fantasy sex is consensual because you dreamed up the scenario. In the fantasy, you set the scene. You decide who is involved, what they’re wearing, what they’re saying, how they smell and all the actions… Ultimately the fantasy is for your pleasure. It’s not reality. You are allowed to enjoy it without guilt.