The Prostate: How to Find It and Have a P-Spot Orgasm

The prostate, or P-spot, is a highly erogenous zone located inside the butt of cisgender men and people assigned male at birth. It’s a small muscular gland that can produce immensely pleasurable sensations when stimulated in the right way.

Enjoying anal and prostate play has no bearing on someone’s sexuality; whether someone is straight or gay doesn’t matter. Prostate play is all about pleasure, not sexual orientation.

Safe prostate play

Like with any kind of anal sex, prostate play requires preparation:

  • Lube is an essential part of prostate play. The butt isn’t a self-lubricating area, so you’ll need anal lube for safe and comfortable exploration.
  • Short, smooth nails are the safest option. Give yourself (or your anal assistant, if you have one) a manicure. This is especially important if you are a keen nailbiter, as sharp edges can cause unnecessary cuts or scratches inside the delicate tush. If you really can’t be bothered with scissors and nail files, cover your fingers with a condom or gloves instead. 
  • Poop-control – make sure you’ve been to the loo before playtime starts, but be aware that this area can bring on surprises. Keeping wet wipes handy and taking the time to have a shower or a warm bath beforehand should ensure you feel clean and in control. Some people prefer to use a douche before penetrative anal play. This is a personal preference, and it’s not necessary unless you’re planning on a particularly long or deep session.
  • Prostate play isn’t something to be rushed. Take your sweet time and pay attention to the delicious, swelling sensations.
  • Trying to insert something into the rectum before it’s ready tends to cause pain rather than pleasure. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong, so if this happens, give your butt a break. Play with your penis, watch something that turns you on, or focus on your partner if you’re playing with someone, and get back to anal business when your ass feels ready.
  • Any toy you’re planning on inserting into your butt must have a handle or flared base. Failing on this point may land you in A&E, so… Safety first!

Prostate - a diagram highlighting the prostate gland

How to find the prostate

The prostate gland is located about a finger’s length inside the rectum and can be tricky to stimulate on your own. It’s a lot easier with the help of a pair of willing hands, but lacking assistance, a slim prostate massager is a good option.

The P-spot is about the size of a walnut and swells when you’re turned on, so spend time building arousal. Make sure you’re really, really turned on before tempting to insert a finger or an anal toy.

Slowly stroke and tease the anus before dipping a lubed-up fingertip inside and gliding past the first sphincter. Inside the ass, you’ll find a second sphincter. You can’t control this ring of muscle; you need to wait for it to relax and invite you further in. More often than not, any anal pain is associated with forcing this stage, so go slowly. Breathe deeply, think about stuff that floats your sexy boat, and wait for the anus to “suck” the finger or massager deeper in. At this point, you might lose your erection, and that’s perfectly normal. This usually happens because focus shifts, so don’t waste time worrying about it…

The prostate feels like a fleshy bulb of tissue on the front wall of the rectal lining. If you’re not using your own finger, you won’t feel this, but you’ll definitely feel the stimulation of it. You might feel like you need to go for a pee when the finger or toy strokes against the p-spot. Or, the pleasure may be so intense and surprising that you climax right away – surprise!

Techniques for P-spot massage

Spend some time experimenting with depth, pressure and speed to find out what works best for you.

  • Come Hither
    Gently glide your lubed-up finger in and use it to massage in a “come hither” motion towards the front of your body (towards the belly button).
  • Ring My Bell
    Rest your lubed-up finger pad against the prostate and press gently as you would a doorbell. Keep “ringing” the bell while exploring the pressure and shorter vs longer intervals of “ringing.”
  • Circles
    Again using the pad of your finger, create small circles against the prostate and see how that feels.

Playing with pressure and depth is a lot easier with the help of an anal toy. Try a variety of toys, but always start small – you can upgrade to the all-singing, all-dancing prostate massagers with perineum stimulators once you’ve got some experience under your belt, so to speak.

How to have a prostate orgasm

You may have heard the term ‘milking the prostate’? In the context of pleasure, this refers to stimulating the prostate until a milky fluid comes out. This is basically ejaculate, minus the sperm. If you’ve got milk, then keep going because you’re getting close. Stroking the penis at the same time can ramp up the pleasure and help you hit that delicious high faster.

You might come as usual (penile ejaculation) during p-spot play, or your experience might be a more intense, euphoric all-over body sensation that encourages you to keep going and coming again. This is partially to do with the thousands of sensitive nerve-endings around the prostate that usually don’t get stimulated during sex. Like one guy said: “It’s like the difference between seeing a movie in standard definition and then discovering IMAX.”