Orgasms: The 3 Most Commonly Asked Questions

White woman having an orgasm whilst kneeling on a pink pillow. She is surrounded by pink hearts and yellow stars.

After decades of speaking to women about orgasms and pleasure, we found the same three questions popping up time and time again. It seems all our customers want answers to the same things. Read on to find out what the top 3 questions about orgasms are. 

1. How Can I Achieve Simultaneous Orgasms? 

This is the billion-dollar question. And if we had a good answer for it, we’d be able to buy an island and retire comfortably, but how much fun would that be? (Lots, probably!) 

In our experience, this question is generally asked by women with male partners, though occasionally lesbian couples throw us a curveball and want to know, too. 

Media feeds us this idea about women being able to time their orgasms to coincide with their partners. We see shiny, back-lit scenes in films, where the couple moves together in serene harmony before climaxing simultaneously, and then they live happily ever after. It’s ‘romantic’ and ‘real’. 

Only it’s not real; what we see on TV is movie sex. And what you and your partner are having is real sex. 

Do you usually orgasm during non-penetrative sex? 

If the answer to this question is no, you probably won’t spontaneously combust in climactic joy during penetration. For you, it’s more about learning how your body works and what it likes. Give yourself permission to explore your own pleasure before trying to time it to other persons orgasm.

If you usually orgasm during non-penetrative sex, we have a list of sub-questions for you:

  • Are your clitoris and G-spot getting enough stimulation? If not, switch it up and try sex positions that offer more pressure or rubbing in the right places. Try replicating your favourite masturbation position, if you can.
  • Are you rushing it? If your orgasm is racing against the clock or your boo’s building climax, you’re not getting the time you need… If your partner climaxes once first, you can use the slower second time to work on a simultaneous orgasm.
  • Are you getting yours?  It’s easy to focus on a partner’s pleasure, but if you want to orgasm, you need to put yourself first. 
  • Are you turned on? Are you feeling the sex or are you focused on the goal? Focusing on the goal will ensure you finish last. You might be surprised what happens if you focus on pleasure rather than the end goal!
  • Is your head in the game? Can you let go and enjoy the pleasure, or are you listening out for kids/flatmates? If you need to keep an ear or eye out for the pitter-patter of little (or large) feet, focusing on the job at hand, so to speak, is too hard.
  • Are you using a sex toy? Many of us need the help of a trusted vibe to orgasm, and they can be incorporated into couples’ play too.

All of the above points play a part in your orgasm. Timing orgasms is tricky, and in a way, you both miss out if you do. You each miss out on the joy of the other person climaxing.

2. How Can I Have Squirting Orgasms As I’ve Seen In Porn?

Ah, yes. Wanting to squirt as porn actresses do – a wet dream for many!

First of all, porn directors have tips & tricks to make squirting scenes look very exciting. Some actresses can probably expel impressive amounts of squirting fluid, but a common trick is to insert water bags into the vagina, then burst the bag at the right moment. Another trick is for the actress to drink liters and liters of water to dilute urine, so she can pass off pale-colored pee as squirting fluid. 

Enjoy watching squirting porn, but remember that what you see might not be the reality. In porn, pee is often presented as squirting fluid, but they’re different fluids.

Confusing? Yes. 

Some Women Squirt, Others Don’t

Not enough research has gone into it, and no one knows for sure why some women always squirt, some women never squirt, and some squirt occasionally. Lola Jean, the world record holder of volume squirting, let go of an impressive 1250ml during her record-setting session. This isn’t the norm – as far as squirting goes, Lola Jean is a goddamn Olympian! 

For those of us who are civilians rather than bedroom Olympians, a couple of drops may be all that we squirt, so small an amount it’s not noticeable amongst other bodily fluids. Or maybe we squirt enough to warrant using puppy pads to protect bedsheets and mattresses – there really is no “right” amount of squirting fluid. 

Colleagues and customers who are regular squirters say that squirting doesn’t necessarily enhance their orgasms in any way. Squirting offers a release, but not better or worse than a non-squirty orgasm. It’s a different sensation altogether. It also important to note the squirting might come before, during, or after an orgasm. 

Squirting is to do with the pelvic floor, the Skene’s glands, hydration, and pushing out your pleasure rather than pulling up and in. Next time you play, go with the flow – see what happens!

3. Is There Something Wrong If I’ve Never Had An Orgasm? 

No, there’s nothing wrong. Learning how to have orgasms takes time.

What this learning involves differs from person to person. It might be that you need to shed long-held beliefs about masturbation being taboo, or maybe you need to learn to love and accept your body. It’s also possible that you need to learn that you deserve this time of self-discovery.

Orgasms involve the whole person, the body, and mind, and both need to work together to have an orgasm. The trickiest hurdle to overcome tends to be making sure your mind is in tune with your body. We usually recommend an erotic book, a bottle of lube, and a small vibrator. Plus, a serious chunk of alone-time. Few things put the kibosh on orgasms like being interrupted! 

If you find orgasms tricky, our bestselling course Becoming Orgasmic is for you. A step-by-step guide for women & vulva-owners, with 7 online sessions + fun homework! 

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