What Does “Sexy” Mean?

Sexiness and confidence are intertwined but can be hard to master. What does “sexy” mean to you? Sexy is not about what TV or magazines say is sexy. It is about how you feel.

The more comfortable you feel, the more confident you feel, and the sexier you will feel. That confidence shines through. 

Practising self-love and self-acceptance

This means being kind and compassionate to yourself and accepting your body and sexuality as they are.

Touching yourself is a good way of connecting with your body. It could be as simple as using body lotion after a shower. Stay in the moment and pay attention to how the body cream feels on your skin. Getting hands-on with your whole body helps build familiarity and acceptance.

Dancing is great fun and releases a whole heap of feel-good hormones. Create a playlist with music that makes you want to move. It can be slow and sensual, or you can go for it – pump it up!

Communicating openly with your partner(s)

Clear communication can help build trust and intimacy in your sexual relationship.

The best way to get more comfortable talking about sex is to practice talking about sex. We recommend picking a time when you are relaxed and comfortable for an intimate conversation.

• What sexual topics do you feel more comfortable talking about? Start with these.

• What don’t you feel comfortable talking about? Leave this for a time when you have built up more confidence.

By being more open and honest about what works for us sexually, we stand to get the most out of intimate encounters. Sometimes, this means reflecting on past sexual experiences and working out what was so hot at that particular time. Sharing these thoughts with partners – and asking them to do the same – creates intimacy and a new openness. Discussing desires can only work to make sex better!

Non-verbal communication

If you find it tricky to get the words out, you might find it easier to write them down. This can help you word what you want to say in just the right way, and they can read it once you are ready to share your words.

Exploring your desires

Take the time to understand what you like and don’t like sexually.

Masturbation is a great way to explore new pleasures at your own pace. Lock the door, turn up the music and let your mind slip into fantasy. Allow your fingers to slide beneath the panty elastic and treat yourself to a shame-free fondle. 

If you’re considering playing with a first vibrator but are not sure you’ll enjoy the buzz; if you’re curious about anal play but worried you’ll hate it; or if you’re drawn to a strap-on toy but not sure you have the agility to work it, experimenting by yourself takes care of newbie-nerves and lets you build confidence for when a partner is invited to join in.

Trying new things

Experimenting with new sexual experiences can help boost your confidence and make sex more exciting.

Why not push your erotic boundaries a little bit further by trying something that seems a little wild or naughty? Food play is messy but so much fun, giving or receiving a spanking is an excellent release after a long day, and anal play can be downright delicious when you take the time to savour each stroke… You can try all of these sexy activities – and many more – on your own before trying them with a lover. 

Getting comfortable with your body

Taking small steps to become more comfortable with your body can feel overwhelming. We have some tips for this: How about trying a massage à moi, a private photo shoot or looking at your naked self in a mirror?

Many of us find it confronting and scary to look at ourselves naked, and no wonder – few of us look like the photoshopped celebrities in magazines! But – give it a go. Focus on what you like rather than the bits you dislike. Don’t like your wobbly tummy? (Same!) Maybe your butt looks fantastic in new undies, or perhaps you love that the colour of your nipples matches the natural colour of your lips? Focus on that instead. Look at yourself with love.

If you’re not ready for nakedness, you might be up for a deep-tissue massage instead. A vibrating body wand is fabulous for solo massages. Choosing a wand with a long handle means you can comfortably massage your back without help. As with couples’ massages, a solo massage isn’t something to rush. Take your time, let the wand wander all over your body, relax tight knots and maybe even build arousal…

Taking selfies is empowering and can help you fall in love with parts of your body you didn’t previously like so much. You don’t need to include your face or any particular parts; it can be a shoulder or an ankle.

Play around with angles. Direct your photoshoot – this is your chance to explore. The more pictures you take and the more you embrace all parts of yourself, the more empowered and confident you will feel. Try taking selfies by candlelight or fairy lights – you can even get a ring light if you feel fancy!

Our trick is to delete any pics we don’t like right away, keeping just one or two that we feel ok with. We have found that putting the photos away for a while and then looking back at them makes us feel more comfortable and proud. A personal fave is to take selfies in a bubble bath – you can have a lot of fun with bubbles and dripping water!

Don’t feel embarrassed to ask for advice

Speaking to a sex educator can help calm your nerves, and you can get some helpful advice. It’s not unusual for us to receive calls from anxious customers who are about to enter into a sexual relationship with a beau. It can feel scary if it’s been a while since you were last naked with someone new!

With over 30 years of experience, we are experienced, un-embarrassable and comfortable answering questions about sex & pleasure 🙂